Cafe Erotique

Welcome to Java Script, a coffeehouse smack-dab in the middle of a Southern college town where artists and writers try and satisfy lust for caffeine, the meaning of life, and other things....

Sunday, July 09, 2006

You are here

Friday morning at Java Script is balmy. At 8:45 AM, the energy is still a little sleepy. Or maybe I'm the sleepy one and so that's how it all looks to me.

I sit outside on the big porch with a copy of The Bell Jar, which I'm not really reading. There seems to be so much to take in; the trees, the sound of light wind in their leaves, the birds hopping around from table to table pecking at crumbs of food, people walking in and out the door of the cafe. I keep looking for someone I know who I might connect with. This may be a bad habit, as it keeps me from concentrating on my book.

I'm a morning person. It's weird; even if I haven't slept well or enough, I still get up and come here almost as soon as the sky is fully lit, 'cause I feel like I'll miss something if I stay in bed. I come here because I know I won't be able to fall back to sleep and don't want to do anything like clean the fridge. Besides, I can't think of any place else to go. I can interact here but don't have to be fully awake.

There's a group of people I hang with here sometimes. I've been coming here long enough to be able to do that. I guess that sounds weird, so I'll try to explain a little...... Basically, I've always been a recluse. I don't know how to make friends. Acquaintences, yes, and I finally got that there is a difference between the two. So I guess that's what these people are to me; acquaintences. At this point, I can go over and join them and be part of the "group", and that's cool. I realized several months ago, after thinking seriously of killing myself, that social interaction is important. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's not that deep.

Anyway, most of these people are night people. I can safely assume they are sleeping off their hangovers right now. Quite possibly, I can come back here at five o'clock and encounter a few of them as they eat the popular hangover breakfast of hash browns loaded with cheese and sour cream with a healthy amount of grease.

There's one guy in particular who I feel a pretty strong attraction to. It's possible he's got some idea of this, though I haven't said anything to him about it. There are reasons for this, but I'll get into it some other time. One reason is that I've got a pretty obsessive personality. Another is that I want to form friendships. If you've ever dealt with these kind of issues, you know what I mean and where I'm going with this, with not wanting to be hasty.

We do seem to be developing a friendship, too. And the more I talk with him, the more I want to touch him, something I didn't expect at all. This matters to me more than trying to get my hook-up on.

Still, I can fantasize....

I close my book, since I've been reading the same paragraph over and over and couldn't tell you what it says. I lean back, turning my face to the sun as a bird lands on the table and cocks it's head quirkily, clearly having designs on the muffin crumbs in front of me. It hops closer tentatively and hesitates.

"Go ahead," I say, "have at it."


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