I dreamed of Leo the other night, lying naked on a narrow twin bed covered in plain, scratchy white sheets, his cock hard and glistening, as though it had been oiled. I could feel it already, feel my hand sliding up the shaft easily, the skin soft and spongy. But I didn't actually touch it. And he didn't seem to notice me really. I guess that's because, when I see him out somewhere, I'm watching his face as he's talking or listening to someone else. That's how his face looked in the dream. Like he was involved in a conversation as he lay naked on top of scratchy white sheets.
It's the third dream in a month involving cock. I don't normally have dreams like that. Another dream involved my former lover, a beautiful man with chocolate-brown eyes, thinning black hair and a body which I couldn't keep from touching. With him I learned how to become satisfied; I went from not being able to orgasm to coming easily several times in succession. In the dream about him, I was kissing his beautiful ass with him standing naked.
Last week we saw each other intimately for the first time since April. In my bedroom I undressed him, and as I sat in the edge of the bed I sucked him. His cock was level with my mouth where I sat, pointed in my direction, and I caressed his ass and the back of his legs with my fingernails, taking my time, not wanting to make him come right off.....
I haven't been interested in sex for the last couple of months. Over the summer I crossed paths with a longtime crush and, well, got crushed in the process. The chemistry between us was primal and had all the promise of becoming the most simple of relationships, or so I thought. We didn't have sex right away and when we did it was humbling. He wasn't ready for me, but I held on to hope, or rather my whole self strained toward him, even when he was out of the country for a month. I thought if I just didn't cling or ask how he felt or where he'd been and so on, he'd eventually gravitate toward me, but it didn't happen. Ultimately he told me it would be a bad idea to care about him. It hurt me deeply. I don't want to open myself up by becoming intimate anymore and I'm not interested in emotional detatchment for the sake of sexual gratification. If I can't care for my lover, it kind of defeats the purpose.
I don't read much into dreams, but cock dreams make me wonder. I suppose they're just primal manifestations. I should be thankful for them, for I am safe in them.